Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
