just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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