that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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