OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
