we have officially lost it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
