The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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