is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's always time for handjobs
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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