come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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