He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
