Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
