Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
