So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
