Can Purell be used as lube?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
