i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
