No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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