What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
