I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
