I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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