She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
