Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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