we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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