I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
