Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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