whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
