You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
