thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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