I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
