Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
