Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
