And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will pee on everything he values.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
