p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
