hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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