you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
