Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
