the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
