It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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