The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
