I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
