new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
