It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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