Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
