You're so nebulous sometimes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
