I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
