dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
