I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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