I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
