I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
