Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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