it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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