Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
