We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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