brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
try to milk me bitch
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