Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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