some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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