These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Enjoy the penises
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
