How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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