Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
