just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
