Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she peed on how many people?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
