We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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