Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
