i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
