Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
