my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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